What do I have to consider?
"My husband and I split up two years ago. There were no serious arguments; we both felt we didn’t want the same things, or each other, anymore. I live in the family house in Marlborough with our children, aged three and six. He sees the children at weekends. He gives me money for them and he pays the mortgage. I would like a divorce now so I can move on with my life. What do I have to consider?"Divorce or Separation is a very worrying and stressful point in anyone’s life. Decisions often do not come easily, by any means. Here are some of the initial issues that may need to be considered:
Are there any remaining emotional issues?
It’s clear how you feel, but is your husband ready to move on finally? You have been able to agree a lot between you, but it would be sad to see one of you left unhappy at the thought of final closure particularly if this impacts on your children.Do you have grounds for a divorce?
Yes. The marriage must have broken down irretrievably and one of the following facts must be proved: - adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion, separation for two years with consent or five years without consent. In England and Wales, divorce is still based upon either “blaming your spouse” or a long period of separation. You have been apart for two years so with your husbands consent, it is possible.DIY Divorce?
The so called “DIY quickie” or “internet” divorce ends your marriage, but that is only half of the story. It does not resolve your children’s arrangements, the financial arrangements, or help you plan for the future.Parenting Plan
If you and your husband would like to have a written agreement concerning your children’s up-bringing and the time they spend with each of you, then a Parenting Plan would be worth while considering. This could provide you both with reassurance and certainty for the future.Financial Arrangements
Financial arrangements are far from straight forward. Is it likely that your family assets will be shared, but sharing does not necessarily mean equal shares and how soon will it be before you each receive your shares? Will the family home be sold or preserved to a later date and who will be paying the mortgage in the meantime? Do you need a monthly payment from your husband to maintain the bills, can he afford to continue paying anyway? All quite practical issues but far from easy to resolve, even leaving aside more thorny questions like pensions, new relationships etc. Are you able to talk to your husband about his views and plans for the future?Wills
Do you and your husband have one, do you need one? A divorce is a fundamental legal change in your status and you should both certainly think about want might happen. Planning ahead may not be the most important thing on your mind at present, but only you know what you wish to happen, and time spent now, will undoubtedly save your family and friends a great deal of extra worry and stress.
Bespoke Advice
To coin a phrase, “there is no substitute for good advice” and divorce is such a fundamental change in life that good advice is vital. Each family is different, and the advice we give is carefully tailored to your particular circumstances.If you and your husband would like to work out all the “details” together and remain in control of decisions concerning your families future, then I recommend that you both consider:-
• a “Collaborative” Law approach www.collaborativefamilylawyers.co.uk
• By choosing legal representatives who are committed to the constructive
resolution of family disputes and issues.
Awdry Bailey Douglas have two highly skilled Collaborative Lawyers within its Family Law Team, myself and Cindy Ervine.
Also, all of our Family Lawyers are members of Resolution, a national organisation that is committed to a constructive, non-confrontational approach to sorting out family law matters. Members of Resolution follow a clear code of practice and work to find solutions that consider the needs of the whole family - and in particular the best interests of any children.
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| Peter Berry Family and Collaborative Lawyer |
Peter Berry is a
Family and Collaborative Lawyer
who is based at the
firm's Marlborough Office.
Please contact
Peter Berry
for further details and if you wish to organise
your free initial consultation.
