“I am sure my wife is planning to end our marriage. We are arguing about our money worries, I fear losing my job and any hope of getting another mortgage if we do split up. I feel like I am about to lose everything, what should I do? "
The “double whammy” of Christmas bills and financial uncertainty will make January 2017 a very stressful time for many families. Recent surveys suggested that nationally up to 1 in 4 relationships are under strain and one of the major factors is money worries. “RELATE” the national relationship counselling service, have reported a 59% increase in the number of enquiries it is receiving.
Financial worries are rarely the main cause of a relationship break down, the added strain of money worries tends to open more deeply routed personal issues. Couples find it more difficult to ignore their differences. Accusations start flying and relationships can quickly fall apart.
If you have not already done so, I recommend that you both seek help to communicate about your feelings for each other. Your arguments may be the end result, but the causes are likely to run much deeper than money worries. Wiltshire has some of the best Couple counselling services available.
If your marriage is truly over, then beware the stress and strain of trying to manage on your own. You have already started to worry about what the future holds, and it is very likely that your spouse has similar fears and concerns. When you add these issues together, along with the prospect of losing your employment, it is without doubt a hugely stressful time.
There is never going to be such a thing as a ‘good’ divorce or separation but in my experience the traditional approach of going to Court first before resolving issues, polarises attitudes quickly, and forces couples to highlight their differences. This can lead to the acrimony and family “feuds”. The emotional costs of this approach are enormous and the effect on children and wider family members can be long lasting.
But does it have to be this way?
The majority of people really do want to resolve issues without confrontation. Protecting their children from emotional harm and the worry of separation is a high priority. Love may be lost, and you may not “agree” everything, but one thing is clear, if parents can retain a positive and respectful relationship, their children are more likely to grow up happier and more secure as a result. So how do we achieve this?Expert advice and good communication are the keys. Finding the right process to resolve differences, and committing to resolve the problems are the first stepping stones. So what “process” or approach might be best for me?
• Get legal advice, so you know where you stand.
• Get help with emotional issues, your GP may have a practice counsellor, or can refer you.
• RELATE help couples communicate, whether trying to rebuild their relationship, or to help cope with parting.
• Mediation can also help couples trying to plan a way forward, particularly for child arrangements.
• Collaborative Family Law, enables couples to meet with their legal advisers to find solutions together, around a table.
• Court. The last resort for many, but sometimes a timescale and a clear set of rules are needed.
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| Peter Berry Family & Collaborative Lawyer |
Peter Berry is a Family and Collaborative Lawyer who is based at
the Firm's Marlborough Office.
Please contact
peter.berry@awdrys.co.uk
for further details and if you wish to organise
your free initial consultation.
